One of C.S. Lewis's defined four loves is Eros. Eros is the love of a lover. For these reason it is perhaps the closest to Agape, or God to human, love. The Bible even uses this type of imagery when it says that Jesus is the lover of my soul. However unlike Agape love, Eros easily becomes manipulative, controlling, and harmful to the lover and the one who is loved, the lovee so to speak. Now Lewis makes a point of separating Eros from sexual desire that Lewis defines as Venus, in reference to the Roman God of sensual desire because he is speaking only of a lovers love and not the desire for the pleasure that is found in having sexual relations with a woman.
Eros is a hard thing to grasp for me although I have had many glimpses of it. This is because I am cautious, perhaps too cautious, about when and how my relationships form. The side effect of this is that I am not so sure that I have ever really fallen in love more like looked over the edge into the pool of love and stepped back rather than leaping. From what Lewis says, this seems to be a blessing, for the most part anyways, because if Eros is so strong I feel that a strong friendship should be there to support him and work as a balance to prevent Eros from becoming corrupt. Also Lewis says that Eros is perhaps the most mortal of all the Loves and this, to me, also supports the idea that one needs to have a foundational relationship for Eros to rest on otherwise he will be like a seed that is left out on the ground that has not been tilled. At the first rain, Eros will grow into a seedling, but will be unable to really break into the earth and so soon dies from a lack of the nutrients required to sustain itself. This is also an apt metaphor for Eros that has a strong relational foundation, but is not controlled and guided because it leads into C.S. Lewis's own saying that Eros is much like a garden that needs tending.
However we must not be too grave when dealing with such fickle things as emotions because emotions cannot and do not last as such we should be happy when they arrive and regard them as true, but not to believe their fickle promises of everlasting perseverance. If we want Eros to remain as much as possible, we cannot rely on him and him alone, as Lewis says, but it involves us fulfilling the promises we make while he whispers what to say in our ears. This is the truest expression of love. That of acting it out on a daily basis without any positive emotions to help nudge us along.
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I really like what you've said here. I think that no matter what kind of foundation we have, Eros will always feel like sky diving with no parachute for just a few seconds (or days, or weeks). I think this because there is always risk in falling in love. If you have a great friendship base, you might be risking the friendship for love. But this is why I really like what you said at the end; emotions like Eros are important and true, but we shouldn't take them too seriously. They are never permanent. But that doesn't mean they should simply be dismissed.
ReplyDeleteI like your idea that there should be a "foundational relationship for Eros to rest on otherwise he will be like a seed that is left out on the ground that has not been tilled."
ReplyDeleteI think that the approach to love should be careful, since it might just be playing a prank on us. But until real love comes knocking, one should dress up nicely enough and be prepared to receive it. Once it comes, then I think it's fine to dance love with all one has. But then again, identifying what's a fake and what's not is the hard part.